It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along.
Bear: "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.
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Moral of the Story
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It doesn't matter how silly your thesis topic is; what matters is whom you have as a supervisor.
It doesn't matter how bad your performance is, what matters is whether your boss likes you or not.
Showing posts with label Management. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Management. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Lazy Lion
It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more“
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Inside the lion's cave. At one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. And at the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
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Moral of the Story
------------------
If you want to know why a manager is famous, look at the work of his subordinates.
If you want to know why someone undeserved is promoted, look at the work of his subordinates.
Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more“
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"
The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.
Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"
The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.
Inside the lion's cave. At one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. And at the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.
------------------
Moral of the Story
------------------
If you want to know why a manager is famous, look at the work of his subordinates.
If you want to know why someone undeserved is promoted, look at the work of his subordinates.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Shit
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Morals of the Story
-------------------
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
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Morals of the Story
-------------------
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Reaching the Top
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a hunter, who shot him down from the tree.
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Moral of the Story
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Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a hunter, who shot him down from the tree.
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Moral of the Story
------------------
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Top Management
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
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Moral of the Story
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To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
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Moral of the Story
------------------
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Let your boss have the first say
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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Moral of the Story
------------------
Always let your boss have the first say.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
------------------
Moral of the Story
------------------
Always let your boss have the first say.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Familiarize with Your Work
A priest offered a nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal her sexy leg and part of her panties.
The priest nearly had an accident when he saw unintentionally. After controlling the car, he naughty priest stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
When he was changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'"
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Moral of the Story
------------------
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal her sexy leg and part of her panties.
The priest nearly had an accident when he saw unintentionally. After controlling the car, he naughty priest stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
When he was changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'"
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Moral of the Story
------------------
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Share Critical Information
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Ah Ming, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Ah Ming says, "I'll give you RM 800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Ah Ming.
Seconds later, Ah Ming hands her RM 800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Ah Ming the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the RM 800 he owes me?"
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Moral of the Story
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If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Ah Ming, the next-door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Ah Ming says, "I'll give you RM 800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Ah Ming.
Seconds later, Ah Ming hands her RM 800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Ah Ming the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the RM 800 he owes me?"
------------------
Moral of the Story
------------------
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
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